Let's Talk About Pain

I'm always in pain; it's a fact of my life. Yet I almost never talk about it. Pain is not relatable, pain is unquantifiable, pain is invisible, and pain is personal. With the war on opioids, pain is also political.

The amount of daily pain I experience is unimaginable to the average person. Yet I'm so used to it that I forget how abnormal it is. The Mankoski scale is a good gauge with caveats: 22 years of constant pain mean my brain and lifestyle have adapted. And pain meds (please don't call them painkillers) don't work on my pain.

Mankoski Pain Scale: 

6 – Can’t be ignored for any length of time, but you can still go to work and participate in social activities. Stronger painkillers (Codeine, narcotics) reduce pain for 3-4 hours.

7 – Makes it difficult to concentrate, interferes with sleep. You can still function with effort. Stronger painkillers are only partially effective.

8 – Physical activity severely limited. You can read and converse with effort. Nausea and dizziness set in as factors of pain.

9 – Unable to speak. Crying out or moaning uncontrollably – near delirium.

If you saw me out and about you'd likely peg me at a 6. My pain is almost never 6. 7-8 is typical. It took me a few years to train myself not to make "pain face." Sleep is always a problem. I often have times when language and cognition* are difficult as a direct result of my pain level. Sudden spikes in pain will knock me back a step or cause grunts or groans.

I cope: I sleep when I can and as much as I can. I distract with music, tv, socializing online, getting out in the world, hanging out with friends. I bounce by attention around online to increase the distraction. When it's really bad I have a drink or two, vape marijuana, or sleep. But alcohol and MJ don't reduce pain, they just make me care less. Other people have their own coping mechanisms because pain and coping are individual.

I've made a good life through a hell of a lot of work. But sometimes I still wonder what it would be like to be pain free. I can't imagine.


*I mistyped cognition, autocorrect fixed it, and I had to stare at the word a couple times before I confirmed that it was the correct word and said what I meant. This is not uncommon.