Weddings and Lace

I didn't watch the royal wedding.  Almost everyone else did, it seems, so I read about it on some blogs.  What caught my attention was a description of the lace in the dress.  I knit a Shetland shawl for my veil when I got married, a lifetime ago.  One corner was gently gathered and sewn to a comb decorated in freshwater pearls and crystal.  I gave the shawl to a good friend when his daughter was born.

I used traditional Shetland motifs that were relevant to my life: fir trees, ferns, waves and rings.  I hadn't intended for it to be 7' square!  But it was lovely, and was me.  It was knit using Zephyr silk/merino yarn in ivory and a 3.25mm bamboo circular needle, taking a little less than 3 months to finish.

American Apparel's Selling Mom Jeans

Unfortunately one of my bus stops is right outside an AA store and there they were in all their high waisted, tapered-leg glory.  Trust me, they look even worse on the hanger.  You can hit any thrift store and find many pair of these jeans, for much less than $80.

At least this model has a shirt on: the AA site is modeling them topless.  Another notch in the bedpost of bad taste for AA.

I'm proud in the knowledge that, in the event of a zombiepocalypse or 80s jeans making a comeback, I can sew my own!

Sewing and Weight

No Shirt For Me :(

I was ready to start a blouse on Friday when I realized I've gained enough weight to push me up a size.  Which is demoralizing enough, plus I'd cut the pattern to size 10 and I'm now a 12.  I could use another pattern, or use another version of the pattern to grade the pattern pieces up a size, but didn't have that much energy.  I'm frustrated by the idea of sewing a blouse that won't fit if/when I go back to my normal weight.  It takes so much of my free time and energy to sew something simple and I want it to last.

I'm not unhappy with my size, rather the fact that I'm out of shape and too sick to exercise regularly.  I could push myself and feel awful doing it, but then that describes much of my life already.  A couple years ago I was jogging regularly and in great shape, and felt good.  I miss being able to do so many things I used to enjoy.

At least I can knit again.  I've made some progress on the green silk sweater--cast on the 2nd body piece and am a few inches in.  Soon I shall have a sweater :)

I Wish...

I started thinking today about how I used to have a hard time sitting still.  Then chronic pain and illness robbed me of energy.  I started knitting and quilting while watching old movies.  I enjoyed learning new knitting techniques and having something to show for my time.  Slowly I learned to accept the limitations pain placed on me.

If I could have one wish: to have been healthy from age 16 on.  I was headed toward a career in surgery, working all over the world.  The reality was I struggled to study half time in college and had no hopes for a career.  A few years later the pain flared and college was in my past.

In 2005 the myofascial pain began, an extreme form that tightened the fascia and muscles throughout my body.  I had planned to return to college that summer but this made study impossible.

Last year saw the end of my hopes for a future with a good man.  Now I'm alone, and perhaps a woman unable to do the simplest things should be alone.  But I miss companionship, I miss someone who cares.  No relationship is perfect but this one started off with great promise.  So I wish that it had worked out.  That my normally cheery outlook had rubbed off on him, that we could have brought stability and love to each others' lives for years to come, and the few things I'm still able to do I could have done for someone I love.

I wish that all the gains I'd made in three years--walking and jogging, making and spending time with friends, having fun--weren't lost with only more pain and disability to look forward to.  I don't know how to find hope for my future.  The best I can do is not think about it.

Uh Oh

Well, one of my worst fears has come true: the muscle tension and pain that plagues much of my body has permanently spread to my dominant arm.  Not only does this cause constant pain but also loss of function.  I'm also having daily migraines from neck tension.  2011 really isn't my year.

I don't know when I'll be able to sew or knit regularly again.  And I have no idea what to do with myself if I can't do those things.  Mostly I'm trying not to think about it.