A Job Nobody Wants

Chronic Pain, that is.  Noooobody wants this job, least of all me.  Long hours, terrible pay, no days off, no vacation.  Imagine not having weekends: how would you recover from the week, get errands done, see friends?  Yeah.

So what's wrong with me?  Constant headache for 17 years.  Fibromyalgia.  Chronic Myofascial Pain.  Which means that my fascia, the thin covering around muscle tissue, is super tight.  And evil.  It crushes my muscles, causing pain and spasm and fatigue and pain.  Initially only my neck was involved, now it's my entire body.  The worst part is the arm and hand involvement because I define myself by what I make.

The muscle pain is the worst.  I can deal with being dumb, above and beyond pain-generated brain not workingness.  I can deal with awful headaches, they even make pain meds for that.  But muscle pain where moving is impossible, and so is staying still?  Where everything, all the time, no matter what, is sucking the life out of you?  Some days it's too much.

I don't remember what it's like to not hurt, to have normal amounts of energy.  I try to notice and value the small beauties in life.  Enjoy friends, be a good friend in return.  And mostly I try not to think about it.  So enough of this!