The three serious relationships I've had all started without a first date. Since going on a few first dates this year I've been thinking about how my past relationships started. My first boyfriend was a friend through high school, and we started dating when we ran into each other and he asked me to Prom. My ex-husband and I met, talked on the phone, then our first date was him visiting me in the hospital. The latest guy had also been a friend and we got snowed in together a couple winters ago.
So dating is strange to me. The idea that you'd meet someone completely new and outside your circle of acquaintance, get to know him in a couple hours, and somehow know that you're a good match is baffling. I have no idea how to make the leap from meeting to relationship. I don't know whether I want to; so much is uncertain that I need a sign that this man is right.
I feel adrift, trying to find meaning or pattern in an infinitely complicated world. I'm trying to be aware that God is in charge so I don't have to think about it. I know I'm missing some spark, but worry that it will never happen. Or that he too will change into someone who doesn't want to be with me.