December catch-up

Ok. It's been a busy couple months for all my usual reasons. In November I caught a nasty cold. After two weeks that morphed into a persistent cough and a sinus infection lasting another week plus. But I'm recovered! finally Now it's just my own immune system kicking my butt, which I'm actively not thinking about until Jan.

I returned to the pain clinic in Nov as well, the one that cold turkeyed me off morphine in 2013 thus trashing my hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis. This time I got two new meds that didn't help and made me miserable. I won't be going back there! Hopefully the resulting night sweats decrease enough that I can stop changing pjs nightly and leave the towel in the bathroom.

In early December I visited a friend in Centralia for a long weekend. We had a lot of fun and it was a perfect break :) I was able to drive down, too, which was fantastic!

This year I put up my first-ever Christmas tree and it's very cheery. We all need a sign of hope this year so I knit a pussyhat for top. And since I'm an internet dork, a glittery teal dear decorates the base. Ella, remarkably, has shown zero interest in all of this.

In knitting news, I knit this winter's #resist hat. It worked up fast in worsted wt yarn.

Knit hat with "feminist killjoy" in rainbow letters.

And more ornaments, taking advantage of the 8 days each year that I'm motivated to knit such things ;)

It's been a hard year but it was filled with love. May you all feel cherished this winter.

A kinder, gentler October

After a rugged September I'm relieved that October has started off well. I now have home care (cleaning, chore help, etc) covered by my insurance, provided by an awesome lady in my building. She wants to learn to knit so I may make a new friend as well :)

My local best friend is moving into the city--today in fact! We get up to the best shenanigans and I know she'll be much happier not living far away from all the fun things.

I saw my rheumatologist yesterday and she's doubling my immunosuppressant dose. After a month we'll know whether it's helping or not, and if not we'll switch to a new biologic. Heading into Thanksgiving and the winter holidays with a plan that's not "watch and wait for months and months" will help my mood.

I'm still working on recovering from the breakup. My clever plan to find community was abandoned after hitting the wall that is my body's limitations. Once again I was reminded that I'm doing my best. Instead I've been taking long naps and staying engaged with friends online.

Ella helps model my latest knitting project

Knitting update: Morvarch is done!

In April I finished Morvarch, the great green cabled shawl started on Jan 1st. I am so happy with it! I've worn it a couple times, my mom wore it once, and it luxuriates atop a bookcase in between airings. I greatly enjoyed knitting the cables but the stockinette seemed endless.

I don't have the energy for real photo shoots so I'll just have to hope these pictures do it justice :)

Morvarch's length matches my wingspan: perfect!

Just the cables, ma'am.
With bonus butt in my new favorite jeans.

This accurately captures its actual color

Cleaning while chronically ill

Something you don't think about when entering the Kingdom of the Sick is cleanliness. You don't ponder how to scrub the toilet or vacuum under the couch until your body always wants to sleep and your hands are glowing with pain. You don't mind the dust until you are powerless to remove it.

Usually people enter my home and say "it looks clean" or some variation thereon. Which is true but can imply judgement: why are you asking for help when your home is cleaner than mine? They don't see the dust that accumulates under and behind everything. They can't understand my panic at clothing moths entering from other apartments and trying to nest in my woolens. Or that cat vomit is dried to the floor under my bed because I can't reach it.

I like my apartment. It's well located, my unit is bright and spacious, I can afford the rent. But the building is dirty. The ventilation system has likely never been cleaned so dust and grit are blown everywhere. Neighbors have pests which infiltrate my home. The shower caulking mildewed and maintenance's solution was to apply clear caulk over that. Dirt has accumulated in every crack. And I'm powerless to change this.

I struggle to accept this reality but I cannot consistently do so. I've had help cleaning but it's impossible to ask someone to clean what they can't see. And I'm the only one who takes a more than cursory glance at my home. I will never solve the clothing moth problem while I live in this building. For someone whose medium is wool that is a painful fact.

Refractory disease

I'm all but diagnosed with treatment-resistant CNS lupus. Next week we will mine my brain to determine how great the impact is, then begin an immunosuppressant medication. The super targeted approach has failed and it's time for bigger guns.

I'm so used to accepting my reality as normal that I forget how abnormal this all is. I've become isolated by higher fatigue and the frequent inability to drive. But I don't know how to talk about the fact that this disease is winning, especially as I work so hard to hold things together. I don't want to live the rest of my life jumping from medication to medication as they all fail in turn. Yet I don't see another option.

In the meantime, I'll keep knitting. I cast on Morvarch Jan 1st and have been diligently knitting since then. The interesting bits are mostly done, now it's a long stockinette march to the end.

The yarn is "Emerald City" by Hazel Knits, it looks like evergreen trees :)

Tiny Forest's Debut

I finished five tiny trees in time to gift them to my mom yesterday. She liked them very much and laughed. She also thought the pink tree was a lightbulb so take her reaction as you may. Better photos will be taken in their forever home. Maybe.

Presented for your amusement

The last tree was knit while playing pub trivia and in the stark light of day it has a distinct yet inadvertent Seahawks/Sounders vibe.

MLS champs get their own tree?

I used the Pint Sized Pines pattern. The only change I made was to work the Double Cabled Tree's decs in Row 24 as *p1, k2tog, p1, ssk* around so they matched the direction of the cables they perch atop. Because yes, I do notice stuff like that ;p

Summer's Workshop

I've been getting in the holiday spirit today, crafting to music. I started with Christmas music but listening to it alone made me sad. And it didn't fit my mood, so classic rock it was!

A previously knit angel ornament

Last night I knit a cabled tree ornament. Some stitches were wonky so it got a bath before bed. It was still wet this morning and I stuck it on the baseboard to dry. I finished knitting a second angel today which received similar post-bath attentions.

Speed drying rack

My couch work zone

I also finished two decoupage notions tins.

(L) stitch markers, (R) needles and waste yarn

The cabled tree gets a cork trunk. Here I'm testing the stability of used corks. A meat cleaver came in handy to shorten them.

 The first tree (of 3+) and angel are now done:

I painted this cork trunk to obscure WASHINGTON printed around its base. Brown watercolor plus Mod Podge, then a thin coat of MP, worked very well.

Last week I knit a bird for Ella and stuffed its head with catnip. She seems to approve.

Happy Thoughts

It's been a week. I won't dwell on my fears. Instead I'll share some positives.

Last Monday I visited a friend in Centralia (85mi south). She made me two beaded shawl pins to match my Watermelon Daybreak shawl. I knit on it while we sat together in her husband's hospital room this May.

I've worked hard to make a good life and to become the woman I am. I'm lucky enough to have assembled a team of friends who genuinely like me and I even have a sweetheart :)

Plus I live in a city where even the sidewalk gardens can be motivational:

Hang in there

Whale Baby Sweater

I traveled to visit family a few weeks ago. One of my trip must dos was to finish the Whale Baby sweater for a cousin's November baby. A nasty cold and reknitting the button bands slowed me down, but I did finish! Even if our grandma questioned a blue sweater for a baby girl ;)

It fits already!

The recipient and everyone else loved it. I knit a size 12mo so we'll have to wait another year to see action shots.

This was a tricky project because it uses super soft baby wool. Normally stranded colorwork is done with sticky wool. The wool's stickiness holds it all together and evens out tension. I'm very proud of my ability to get a nice result with the materials used, something I doubted I could do. It's fun to see the result of 20+ years of knitting.

The reverse side: so proud :)

I knit a sweater

During the International Games of Sportsing Endeavor (please don't sue me IOC) knitters knit. I joined in again this year with grand plans and high hopes. I stumbled a couple times but recovered to finished this sweater--poorly photographed by me.

The sweater

Jake helped

❤️ Jake Break: Jake is doing very well on prednisolone! (the only corticosteroid I didn't have on-hand ;) A brief Friday night breathing obstruction had me worried enough to contact the at-home vet about euthanasia. But tweaking the steroid dose has him doing better than a week ago. Go Jake! ❤️

My brain has been only halfway functional due to kitty-related sadness and stress. But my treat-dispensing abilities remain intact which is what matters.

The sweater is linen which is unfun to knit with. But will feel great in hot weather, once I break it in. Which is a euphemism for beating the snot out of it until it stops being able to stand on its own. I'm not thrilled with the hem ribbing and may reknit it...someday.

Knitted Sheep Carousel

I just finished knitting Sheep Carousel, a tea cozy designed by Kate Davies. I used Harrisville Shetland instead of the Scottish yarn the pattern calls for. I have plenty of yarn left for a second.

Sheep!

All is not as it appears

I do not own a teapot. I borrowed one to block the cozy (i.e., let dry in the desired shape) but it was too large. I wrestled with wet wool but I was not victorious. The cozy is instead drying on some leftover containers, but for photo purposes I faked it!

Roof of the cozy, complete with I-cord handle

I-cord handle edging

The spout and handle openings are cut open, then bound with I-cord (a narrow knit strip). I'm very pleased with how the finishing turned out. Shetland is a nice grabby wool that lets you do seemingly mad things like cutting your knit fabric without everything unraveling.

The only thing left to do is find a friend who'd like a 4 cup teapot cozy.

Another Blanket

I finished this blanket before New Year's, but my photos were bad. The recipients were kind enough to take more pictures in their non-blue drenched home and I present: 

New Rings Grow Warm

I worked on this pretty consistently for four months, not-so-cleverly beginning a month before the wedding. The edging, while gorgeous, was grueling: it's patterned on every row and is almost impossible to memorize. This was nicknamed the Hell Blanket before it was done, but once blocked it sat there looking so pretty and impressive that all was forgiven. And they loved it :D

Remembering why I love my neighborhood

With the huge amount of ongoing construction in this city, and the general human resistance to change, I'd started to forget why I love my neighborhood. Plus my health...stuff. Then today I marched to protest skinheads, where I ran into a neighbor friend and was complimented on my "full-Seattle" handknitting skills (I wore my rainbow mittens). Later I headed to a local pub for dinner and a beer, striking up a conversation with someone who has also tried and failed to make Classics of Science Fiction book club meetings that are held down the street. I chatted with the bar manager, finished the first section of my book, and walked a whole two blocks home.

Oh yeah, this is why I love my corner of Seattle! It's because I feel like I belong, and I actually know people in the community. I'm so glad for the reminder!

PS: Peaceful protesting is awesome, even in the rain. I'm going to have to do it again. I had to skip out early, my ankle was starting to give out, but even that was no big deal.

Best Thursday Night

I was chilling last night, drinking tea while eating chocolate-covered shortbread, knitting and watching the Sam & Dean sexy hour (aka Supernatural).  A friend called and asked what I was doing, and I told him.  He replied that that sounded amazing and I had to agree.

Sometimes your best life is relaxing and ignoring the negatives, even just for an hour or two.  I've had some pretty fierce jaw pain the last month, and skin issues, but in spite of that life can be pretty good.  Instead of noticing the ways I accommodate chronic health problems, which would be a very long list, I'm choosing to focus on the positives.  I have a safe and warm home.  My power didn't go out even during our recent wind storm.  I have friends.  I have internet to connect with many of those friends.  And I love and am loved.

I'm also making good progress on the wedding blanket: almost halfway done with the edging.  I think it's going to be beautiful.  And warm :)

Done with Humira

I saw my rheumatologist last week, and once again we didn't discuss whether Humira was helping.  Instead I'm to make a small tweak to sulfasalazine and wait two more months.  I'm so frustrated with my lack of control: there are so many things I want to do but can't, and too many times someone is gatekeeping my life.

I thought for a couple days and yesterday emailed the doctor to say I'm done with Humira.  It's not helping, it's frustrating, and it's creating a false sense that she's effectively treating me.  I tried it for 10 months.  I'm done taking it, and I'm done pretending that this treatment might be helping.

On the plus side, I finished binding off Tulpenkranz and started a new lace shawl.  Blocking Tulpenkranz is turning out to be a bigger deal than the bind off--I'll have to spend the day at my mom's to accomplish that.  Hopefully before Seattle summer is out I'll have photos to share :)

Working on the chain gang

Knitting needle threaded through crochet chains

I have finished the knitting on Tulpenkatz, aka Giant Lace Thing.  Which is excellent!  Slightly less positive: I still need to work the crocheted edging.  Nothing wrong with crochet except that I'm bad at it.  I slip a few stitches off at a time, crochet a chain, slip off more stitches, chain, and repeat until my arm falls off.

In-progress edging

R) little bit I've accomplished, L) what's left to do

This is going to take a while.  The funny pink thing is my inline crochet hook.  I inherited it from a relative and I love it for chaining with laceweight.  A regular hook kept wanting to split my yarn.

Riding Life's Rollercoaster

The last month has been interesting.  I've been attending the UW's Mini Med School, which I really enjoy.  It's two hours of public health-related lectures each Tuesday evening.  I won the gross anatomy lottery this year so was able to visit a gross anatomy lab.  I'm not able to distill that experience into words, though.  It was amazing.  It can be painful to revisit something I'm deeply interested in but completely able to pursue, however.

With the positives also come the negatives.  My energy has been lower this week and I think the recent decrease in fatigue is over.  My body wants to be awake and energetic only at night, which is inconvenient.  And making and keeping friends is always difficult.  I also lost a group of close online friends due to life's inevitable changes.

But I'm still here, and I'm pushing ahead on the Niebling lace project.  I've almost reached row 200 out of 250.  It should be a little faster from here on, the pattern repeats are shorter thus easier to memorize.

It this seems scattered, well it is.  Communication is difficult lately.

Ssk-free I-cord edging

I unvented a slightly easier way to apply I-cord edging.  You may read the description and think: pshaw, that's simple, I could have thought of it myself!  But you didn't, I did ;)  I may sound cocky but this is my blog and I get to revel in my own cleverness.

Without further ado the how-to:

1) Cast on your I-cord.  I used 4 stitches to make a more substantial edging but 3 sts is typical.

2) Ready the left side of the piece to be bound off (PtbBo).  This is where we depart from convention and aim for genius.

If PtbBo is worked in garter st, finish with a right side row.  Otherwise the stitches present themselves as purls and create unsightly bumps along your finished I-cord.

I-cord on left in blue, PtbBo on right in gray

3) Commence I-cording by slipping the left-most PtbBo st onto the right side of your I-cord needle.

4) Knit together the first two sts (I-cord and PtbBo).  Then knit the remaining I-cord sts as usual.

5) Slide the I-cord back to the right side of your needle (or slip the sts to the right needle if not using dpns).

Repeat steps 3-5 until you have completely bound off PtbBo.

My swatch half bound off with I-cord

So yes, knitting I-cord is still tedious.  But you've eliminated slip, slip, knit in favor of k2tog which always counts as a win in my book.  Happy knitting!

Blanket Accompli

My squishy, warm and cozy Mitered Brights blanket is done!  And I love all of its 40x48" or 100x120cm.

It folds up nicely

Whimsy is important--thanks Tom for reminding me--so I added a multicolored I-cord border despite being tedious to knit.  And unvented a slight faster way to work it, which I will post.

The Blanket, posing provocatively on my queen bed

I reknit the border a few times all told to get the tension right, it kept loosening up as I got bored went.  I surprised myself Sun night when the last stitch was truly cast off.  I'd already worked most of the ends in as I went.  Of course then I had a dream that they were still dangling, because my brain is a sadist.  I got the last laugh,  I woke to a fully finished blanket :)

Blanket Border 1.0

The grey blanket yarn finally arrived and I've finished the body and am working on the border.  On the plus side: the blanket is big!  On the minus side, the blanket is big!

The first border scheme I tried looks too much like Mork's suspenders are strangling an otherwise classy blanket.  And the scale is wrong.  I'm all for 70s-tastic, just not this time.  I'd like a wide charcoal border but am running low on charcoal yarn.  But I have plenty of light grey ;)

Nanu nanu
I had a pair of these as a kid, loved them!

Border 1.0 on right

After struggling with perfectionist tendencies for twenty years it can be nice to work on something without a clear plan.  It makes my brain itchy to try to solve problems and make decisions on the fly.  But in a positive way that indicates changes in neuroplasticity.