December 9, 2010

A Conversation

I talked to my mom after breaking up with my guy.  I called a friend first but she was sleeping, so ended up with my mom.  Somewhere in the conversation my mom said--at least it sounded this way to me--that I shouldn't expect a man to ever want me because I'm ill.  She never talks this way normally and it was very hurtful, and the worst possible timing.  In the same conversation she mentioned how compassionate I am.  I don't get it.  I brought this up a few days later and she got upset with me.  We didn't resolve things but did state our points of view.

She decided to talk about it with someone else and try to figure out why she says these things.  I'm just so glad that she's trying to figure it out, and not with me!  Hopefully she'll have a better understanding of how much it hurt.  Cause I make an awesome girlfriend ;)

It's interesting how friends just accept me as I am, with no stigma, but maybe my mom still has her hopes from before I got sick.  I don't know what it is that's wrong or disappointing in her eyes.  With what I had to work with and the troubles along the way I've made a really good life.

Edit: I wanted to reiterate that what my mom actually said was not what I heard.  I still have no idea what exactly she was trying to say, but I'm sure it was supportive.  Or meant to be.


  1. Speaking as a mom and a daughter, it really sucks when you can't (as a mom) let go of your hangups and simply be there for your child. It is hard to accept "diminished" prospects for your child (something I struggle with with my daughter's learning disabilities), but that doesn't make what your mom said (intentionally or not) any better or easier to take. Once again, no great wisdom here, but I'm sorry (and I know the feeling, albeit from very different circumstances). Grr.

  2. Please don't take offense but I sort of want to smack your mom for the comment she made. My god. Its so untrue.

    I can think of SO many reasons why you make an awesome girlfriend. You're caring, insightful, intelligent, funny, creative and beautiful, just to name a few. And I mean that. You're a special person and whoever is in your life is a lucky man.

    However I'm glad that you don't take stock in your moms perspective. Perhaps she is projecting some of her own issues onto you, or something like that. People are weird. Parents are weird. Better yet, parents are simply weird people with kids.

    : hugs :

  3. @tanitisis
    Thank you for your comment, it helped a lot.

    I'm not sure what my mom was trying to say but it wasn't what I heard. There are some things I don't need reminded of, or can't talk about objectively, and this is one.

  4. @Lain
    Thanks :) It's a difficult subject.


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