April 17, 2011

First Dates

The three serious relationships I've had all started without a first date.  Since going on a few first dates this year I've been thinking about how my past relationships started.  My first boyfriend was a friend through high school, and we started dating when we ran into each other and he asked me to Prom.  My ex-husband and I met, talked on the phone, then our first date was him visiting me in the hospital.  The latest guy had also been a friend and we got snowed in together a couple winters ago.

So dating is strange to me.  The idea that you'd meet someone completely new and outside your circle of acquaintance, get to know him in a couple hours, and somehow know that you're a good match is baffling.  I have no idea how to make the leap from meeting to relationship.  I don't know whether I want to; so much is uncertain that I need a sign that this man is right.

I feel adrift, trying to find meaning or pattern in an infinitely complicated world.  I'm trying to be aware that God is in charge so I don't have to think about it.  I know I'm missing some spark, but worry that it will never happen.  Or that he too will change into someone who doesn't want to be with me.


  1. My experience with dating is that you just FEEL when it is right for the relationship to happen. For instance the last relationship I had before Dave, we went on 4 or 5 dates. I could tell the man was very interested in me, complimenting me, making time for me, etc. and then when it was obvious he felt comfortable, and i felt comfortable, he asked me to make if official.

    I would say, dont think too much into it. Just enjoy the time you have with the people and if its right for a relationship then you'll know.

  2. @coffeeandvicodin

    Also... waiting for a sign. The sign will be that you're happy with the person, and he is happy with you. That he acts happy and you feel happy. That you are comfortable around him but still feel passion. When you generally feel good about the situation.

    Dating is sort of similar to meeting someone as a friend and moving from there. You're getting to know someone. what they like, dont like, how they act in public, how they treat women, etc. At least, thats how I see it. You go on dates before starting a relationship to get to know someone just as you would get to know a friend over time.

  3. @coffeeandvicodin
    You're absolutely right. I guess I'm just out of practice. Making friends is so much easier by comparison!

  4. I'm not gonna sugar-coat it, dating sucks. But I am the opposite of you--*all* of my relationships have started with dates, mostly with strangers. For me, being in a relationship is important enough to deal with all those first dates. But whew! They are not always fun.

  5. @The Slapdash Sewist
    I guess I'm expecting too much from a first date. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel to move on to date 2. You're absolutely right that dating sucks. I remember why I took a break from it a few years ago!


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